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2009-02-11

Finding Love in a Marriage -A Valentine's Day Post


Since it's Valentine’s day I decided to post an article talking about love. This has been published at helium but I want it posted here in my blog so I could reach more readers. I find it imperative that I should share my thoughts based on my own experiences.

Finding the genuine meaning of love in a marriage is not an overnight process as every romantic person would like to believe.

The true meaning of love is built slowly and steadily over a period of time when the couple lives together. This is developed amidst their ups and downs and the daily challenges that assail them in their married life.

When two unique individuals are joined in matrimony, they still, do not have a complete grasp of the overwhelming obligations that come with this purported love, not until they have undergone together life's experiences which would test the strength of their bond.

No matter what faith or religion you belong to, this quote from the Bible is what true love is all about. "Love is patient and kind. Love is understanding. Love does not rejoice in falsehood but in the truth. Love does not count the wrongs. Love is forgiving..."

I got married at an early age. There was a song in my heart as I marched the aisle with the man I loved. I was a romantic and I imagined us to be Adam and Eve in our own paradise of eternal peace and bliss.

It was of course, far from the truth for I slowly discovered that living with a different person is not at all the bed of roses that I was made to believe from the romantic movies that I have watched and novels that I so devoured.

It was soon clear to me that the man I married was a completely unique individual with different needs and desires that oftentimes were deviant from mine. I loved to read books, he rarely read one. I disliked cooking; he loved to experiment with different dishes. He was a perfectionist, I was not. But because I loved him so much, I accepted these facts about his interests and desires and learned how to compromise.

I learned that the true meaning of love was actually tolerance of the other person, acceptance of his individual quirks, and respect for his beliefs and interests.

The ultimate test came when in a drunken stupor he had slept overnight with a woman. This unpleasant event nearly cost me my marriage, but I loved him and this gave me the grace to forgive and forget. It was a painful and difficult process but I was able to surmount the negative emotions and focus on the love that I had for him. This made me realized too that true love denotes being able to forgive each other's transgressions.

After 30 years of married life, I can conclude that I have found the true meaning of love; and I'm happy that I did. Passion inevitably fades with time but true love even grows stronger.

And as we grow old together, I would be contented just holding his hand and hugging him close to me, as we watch the kaleidoscope of colors that the setting sun paints in the azure sky.

Photo 2 by _DarkGuru_
Photo 1 by Darwin Bell

7 comments:

Karen, author of "My Funny Dad, Harry" said...

What a wonderful synopsis of your marriage. It's not about finding someone just like yourself because the differences compliment each other. Everyone has some "gaps" and together, a husband and wife complete each other. Forgiveness, compromise, communication and unselfishness are the top 4 keys to a good marriage in my opinion.

Jena Isle said...

Yes Karen, how right you are, those four are indeed very vital for a successful marriage. I have to agree with you. God bless and happy blog hopping.

tashabud said...

Wow, Jena! I'm speechless. But, if I have any opinion at all, which apparently I do, I'd say, Love is indeed blind in this case. I admire your strength and resilience, for I don't think I have the same capacity to forgive and forget. I'm truly awed by you, girl. God bless and best wishes.

Happy Valentines Day!
Tasha

Jena Isle said...

Hello Tasha,

If you take the marriage vows seriously, It denotes eternal love come what may, no matter what.

Thanks for the visit and happy valentine's day.

ray gratzner said...

Dear jena, I didn't notice you were married for thirty years....I assumed you were a student....So you have a truly young radiation....
I like this post - and I would have wished to get some information of the male side of the marriage....How had he learned to go on....

Happy Blogging...

Roy said...

Hi Jena,

nice story...

believe me... I can relate ;)

Jena Isle said...

Hi Ray,

Thanks , I consider that a compliment, Unfortunately, he does not know blogging ..lol...


Hi Roy,

I know you can relate. Cheers and happy blog hopping.